Today I am blue. I’m referring to both the colour of my clothes and my current state of mood (as reflected by a button pinned upon my chest emblazoned with the word “SAD”).
Sometimes I get overcome with gloominess. More often (nearly every waking minute of my life, in fact), I feel on edge like every set of eyes is casting judgment toward me, as though each decision right down to the most minute is overwhelmingly critical to my existence and every choice I make is probably wrong, with a sensation of the world about to cave on me in any second. Regrets of the past and worries of the future are constantly slamming against the inside of my skull, and both together almost always win out over any efforts toward calm acceptance of the moment. Combined with intermittent physical sensations like a racing heart, flushed face, and quivering appendages, this is a condensed description of what my doctor long ago diagnosed as generalized anxiety disorder, concurrent with possible mild depression. It’s something I have struggled with since I was a kid, before I had any idea of the commonness of such feelings, and with which I continue to explore effective ways of dealing.
Continue reading “Let’s Talk a Shade of Glum: Dialogues of Mental Health”